I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
