in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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