ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
