I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
