If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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