I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found puke in my bra..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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