I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
