She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
