i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
