I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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