Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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