she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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