Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
