Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
