I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
