My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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