When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
