My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
