he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
