he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My vagina is very pro this idea
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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