I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My ass is underappreciated
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
