4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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