you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
