I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
