yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
