Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
