hotel room ftw
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
