He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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