i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
