i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
