I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
