Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
