i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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