so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
