Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
