This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
