Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
