It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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