Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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