You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
