How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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