i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
