grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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