If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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