If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
