u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
