i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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