I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need moral support for this bender
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BRING THE BAGELS
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
