First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
