he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
