Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was born a porn star she said
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
